Thursday, August 23, 2012

Reading...

I've been reading this month an a variety of topics, Sarra you can smile here...yes I have several books going at once :) I've actually been really busy too, but since being 'converted' to my Nook eReader, I have handy and high quality reading material any time, so find I am reading more. Anyway I digress; I have been learning some things that maybe sometimes we know at a subconscious level, but we don't think about properly in our conscious head. Plus when you're busy with young family and just going from task to task to activity to task to activity, you might not have the time for this kind of introspection...but I digress again.

So, a few tidbits...
- We are real human individuals, with our own identities, even though we are also part of a couple. Important to understand for ourselves, and for our spouses. They need what we need; same-sex friends,  family, respect, activity, down time, privacy (this one was interesting to me, b/c I guess I never really thought about it properly), and time in our own skin, to know who we are and what we want, what we like, or don't like, what our dreams are, and how we feel.

- We should expect approx. 20% of our needs to be met by our spouse...the rest from our selves, families, friends, co-workers (that would be me, myself, and I - haha), etc. Don't expect too much from the other human that is your spouse...he/she isn't on earth expressly for the purpose of meeting our needs. We have to do a lot of that work for ourselves (since meeting needs is kind of work!). (I can't remember where I read this one...but it makes sense).

Why have I been thinking about this stuff? Because I have thought of myself as a 'couple' instead of an individual  person for ages...when I write a letter, I have to go back and change all the 'we's' to 'I's'  and I'm pretty sure we both do that to each other...for example, when we order food, my honeybun will ask me what he should get. I want him to order his own food from now on...so that he gets what he really, really actually wants. He might have to sit there for a while to remember what the heck that is, and I am exactly the same. I think it's wonderful to be a close knit couple, but we have to know who we are also.  I think it would help improve conflicts..for example ( I can pull this example out any day of the week bc it's been with us pretty well like a 3rd person in our marriage). I am the one that likes the house to be perfectly tidy, everything in it's place. I live with someone for whom that is not the top priority,  so now it's basically my need, not really his; if he shows some effort out of respect for me, that should be good enough - anything beyond that is on me, because I'm the one that wants it near perfect (ie. meet my own need for a super tidy house). I'm good at saying this, but not actually doing it, but it's good that I at least see it now...so I have to practice. One thing I know I am good at is 'entertaining' myself. At least my spouse doesn't have to keep me busy:) I have a life of my own when it comes to taking care of my home, family and my time on my own, and when he's home we spend our time together. I can be happy on my own when I have to.

 If I could give my spouse a gift right now, it would be a couple of great male friends...b/c I think it would be fun for him. That is a goal of mine too, to cultivate my friends more vigorously. End of post....more to come probably, since I am ruminating in this vein. It's great to be 50 and have the mental space in my brain for such thoughts instead of just on 'go' all the time, at top speed.

Great quote:

“Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Second Counselor in the First Presidency

“Continue in Patience,” Ensign, May 2010, 57

1 comment:

Royall said...

I think I need to read that patience talk.