Mano

It's Manochehr's birthday today, in Canada, and though he doesn't enjoy getting older, he does enjoy being loved and fussed over a little:)) I decked him out in a new suit for church, as my gift. Lucky us; he made Okra Khoresht for dinner, and instead of cake, which he doesn't have any great love for, I made home-made cream puffs, something he actually does have a great love for. When we go to Iran, he always chooses a cream puff from the bakery over everything else. It turns out that they are a snap to make, and here is the proof:

11 Foods

eggs
cucumber
tomatoes
white bread
plain yoghurt
coke
beef
rice
salt
oreos
vanilla ice cream

11 foods

This cart, at the grocery store, belongs to a man in his mid fifties. He's probably of middle eastern descent, maybe Iranian. He's a simple, honest person. Hard-working and sensitive. He loves his family, and shows it through his good works. He's uncomplaining, likes to stay home, enjoys working at home,  and watching t.v. He also likes to sleep. He has soft brown eyes, a quick laugh; he teases but not unmercifully. He can be antsy due to his nicotine habit, so he disappears regularly to smoke. One minute he's there, the next he's gone. The anxiety of needing to smoke is catching up to him as he gets older, and he knows he needs to quit. He is brilliant in some ways and almost simple in others, but this simplicity is a ruse - he's always thinking more deeply than you give him credit for, yet he isn't a planner. Planning frustrates him...he doesn't plan his next turn while driving down the street. The surest way to ruffle his feathers is to ask him to plan a trip - this exercise will irritate him  no end, but he will thoroughly enjoy said trip when it comes time. He is deeply loyal to his wife, and she can trust him. He loves her, and protects her, and has devoted his life to her, and she to him.

I Met My Love in the Library

Reading...

I've been reading this month an a variety of topics, Sarra you can smile here...yes I have several books going at once :) I've actually been really busy too, but since being 'converted' to my Nook eReader, I have handy and high quality reading material any time, so find I am reading more. Anyway I digress; I have been learning some things that maybe sometimes we know at a subconscious level, but we don't think about properly in our conscious head. Plus when you're busy with young family and just going from task to task to activity to task to activity, you might not have the time for this kind of introspection...but I digress again.

So, a few tidbits...
- We are real human individuals, with our own identities, even though we are also part of a couple. Important to understand for ourselves, and for our spouses. They need what we need; same-sex friends,  family, respect, activity, down time, privacy (this one was interesting to me, b/c I guess I never really thought about it properly), and time in our own skin, to know who we are and what we want, what we like, or don't like, what our dreams are, and how we feel.

- We should expect approx. 20% of our needs to be met by our spouse...the rest from our selves, families, friends, co-workers (that would be me, myself, and I - haha), etc. Don't expect too much from the other human that is your spouse...he/she isn't on earth expressly for the purpose of meeting our needs. We have to do a lot of that work for ourselves (since meeting needs is kind of work!). (I can't remember where I read this one...but it makes sense).

Why have I been thinking about this stuff? Because I have thought of myself as a 'couple' instead of an individual  person for ages...when I write a letter, I have to go back and change all the 'we's' to 'I's'  and I'm pretty sure we both do that to each other...for example, when we order food, my honeybun will ask me what he should get. I want him to order his own food from now on...so that he gets what he really, really actually wants. He might have to sit there for a while to remember what the heck that is, and I am exactly the same. I think it's wonderful to be a close knit couple, but we have to know who we are also.  I think it would help improve conflicts..for example ( I can pull this example out any day of the week bc it's been with us pretty well like a 3rd person in our marriage). I am the one that likes the house to be perfectly tidy, everything in it's place. I live with someone for whom that is not the top priority,  so now it's basically my need, not really his; if he shows some effort out of respect for me, that should be good enough - anything beyond that is on me, because I'm the one that wants it near perfect (ie. meet my own need for a super tidy house). I'm good at saying this, but not actually doing it, but it's good that I at least see it now...so I have to practice. One thing I know I am good at is 'entertaining' myself. At least my spouse doesn't have to keep me busy:) I have a life of my own when it comes to taking care of my home, family and my time on my own, and when he's home we spend our time together. I can be happy on my own when I have to.

 If I could give my spouse a gift right now, it would be a couple of great male friends...b/c I think it would be fun for him. That is a goal of mine too, to cultivate my friends more vigorously. End of post....more to come probably, since I am ruminating in this vein. It's great to be 50 and have the mental space in my brain for such thoughts instead of just on 'go' all the time, at top speed.

Great quote:

“Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Second Counselor in the First Presidency

“Continue in Patience,” Ensign, May 2010, 57

Poor Manochehr

Now for Mano's sob story...he is the Super for two plants (one would be bad enough) one larger than the other. The larger one has two big boilers that have tubes that go around them that were up for maintenance in the next shut down coming up in a month or two. Well, first the one set of tubes leaked, and unbelievably, and most unlikely, the second sprung a leak...that was a little over two weeks ago...and we haven't seen hide nor hair of him since. This is bad b/c that plant is not producing (chaching). This is where you can start crying...it's been miserably cold the whole entire time, they work around the clock, and his wife keeps calling him to complain that she has to brush snow off the truck, or that her furnace is on and off not working, or some such 'emergency'. I didn't call all day yesterday which was probably a blessing:-) I do miss him though - I hope he comes home soon. (The picture shows a more relaxed Mano)